Dear Everyone I Know (and Everyone I Don’t)

There are a lot of people who are not wearing masks at all. There are states with leaders who are not doing the right thing. There are people who are concerned about “their freedoms” no matter the cost. These issues are certain. We know they are bad. We rally against them. We know who to blame.

But there are also people who are wearing masks when they go out. They keep their distance. They go out often. They eat outside at restaurants. They can’t wear a mask when they’re eating, but “I’m 6 feet away!” or “It’s well distanced, plenty of space!” There are people who see other people who are seeing other people. They are seeing other people who work with people in grocery stores, schools, or restaurants. They don’t ask who those people are seeing. They trust each other. They love each other! They are washing their hands. They are wearing a mask, or sitting 6 feet away. At least, with their acquaintances, anyway. They are going to small weddings, less than 20 people, I swear. They see their parents at the retirement community. Someone is cleaning their house twice a month.

Maybe you need to hear this, and maybe I need to hear some of this, too. We are quick to give justifications and hand waves. We get defensive. We are trying to stay sane.

Things are worse than ever. Monumentally worse. I left Philadelphia on March 25th. We packed up our life in the middle of a pandemic because we had already sold our house and bought another house nearly 3,000 miles away. The day we left Philadelphia, there were about 144 new cases per day in PA. On November 21st, the number was over 6,000. They were modeling over 20,000 daily cases for PA by December, before the recent shut downs.

I’ve had many reckonings since we left Philly. I drift from rage to hopelessness to holding on tightly to every good thing that I’ve got at least several times a day. Will I see almost everyone I know next year? Maybe, if we’re lucky, in the summer? If not, summer 2021 turns into summer 2022, because things will just get worse again in the fall and winter.

But I would do it if it meant this stupid fucking virus stopped killing us. I would give up seeing everyone I know for two whole years if it meant that when I did see them, we could hug so hard that we’d crack each other’s backs. That I could stand right next to them and smile. That I could feel their joy radiating like the warmth of the sun. Wouldn’t that be incredible? The thought of that just makes me cry. I miss everyone I know and everyone I don’t and I wish you would all stay home as much as possible because I want us all to live.